Bill of No Rights."

ARTICLE I:

You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other

form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no

one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based

on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone- not just you! You may

leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.,

but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a

screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the

manufacturer make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:

You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are

the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in

need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after

generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the

creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice,

but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public

health care.

ARTICLE VI:

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you

kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if

the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII:

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,

cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be

surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place

where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of

leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:

You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives

in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive

governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight

if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and

do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little

tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX:

You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to

have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you

to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational

training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X:

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that

you have the right to pursue happiness - which, by the way, is a lot

easier if unencumbered by laws created by those of you who were confused

by the Bill of Rights.